Pete calls me Duke. I am his Very Special Dog. You are probably thinking that all dogs are Very Special. Great! You are a good person. I like you.
But I am a dog with power over time and space itself. It’s 1925, and I’m a space dog! It all started when Pete got a vision saying he needed to help a librarian and a professor. We went to see them, and they sent us looking for two people who were missing. Pete is smart, so he brought his hound. That’s me! I’m good at finding people.
After sniffing everywhere, I didn’t find the people. Pete still said I was his good boy and did good. I like Pete. Instead of people, we found a few things that looked like lots of fun but sort of tossed around threateningly in the place that smelled like Pete when he can’t walk straight, which is a lot.
Then, at the place that smelled like not big people like Pete, but smaller peole, we found, I guess, a really big chicken? Maybe more like a stack of chickens. Anyway, it wasn’t a good smell day, and we didn’t find the people, but Pete said I was a good dog anyway and it wasn’t my fault because he didn’t take me to where the people were. Did I mention I really like Pete?
Then we went to the museum, and I was a super-good dog because I found lots of clues and didn’t chew any of the bones. But then the two suns came out and I wasn’t in the museum anymore, because I was in another dimension. And Pete wasn’t there! So, now I will pour some cool science facts about how that was possible into your brain. Ready?
I have no cool science facts. I am a dog; I didn’t go to college. Well, technically I did go to Miskatonic University, but only for a night. They don’t let dogs in the classes there (very unfortunate–think how wonderful classes with dogs in them would be!*). But I can tell you about the other dimension. It was pretty sandy and rocky, and smelled like old socks. There were some upside-down sort-of chickens, but they appear to be afraid of loud, barky noises. I only ate one before I fell asleep.
And then (this was the best) I got home to Pete in my sleep! How great a space-and-time-faring dog am I? I just dreamed about chasing rabbits and running, and then I was home. Maybe that’s how I get home every night? Anyway, Pete was so happy to see me he gave me breakfast! That was great. Love Pete.
But then we went on a train. Trains are not ideal dog transport mechanisms. I tried to explain this to Pete, and then to the shushing people and the conductor, but they had trouble hearing me, even when I tried REALLY HARD. I think the trouble is that humans don’t grok concept of metal death snakes. Pete tried snuggles, which was kind but sort of missed the point. Fortunately, I didn’t have to ride the whole way, because after the train started jerking backward and getting scary, I did my space-time travel thing without even going to sleep!
It was great. Ate another not-chicken. Also, the librarian left a book there this time, so I picked it up and brought it back to her when I went to sleep. She and Pete were in a totally different town, and I STILL found them. Then I pooped orange with green stripes. It was electric (a word which makes sense to use here because it’s 1925 and electricity still has an air of excitement and danger about it–I mean, we basically have mana piped into some peoples’ houses now?–and also because it was shocking. I mean, literally: my butt got shocked as I pooped it). Can’t wait to go back.
* Speaking as Kelsey, now: dogs were allowed in classes at my college, and it was wicked cool. Also, that college was in New England, thus “wicked”.