David Neumann

Battle Fleet: Ground Assault bringing turn-based tank action to Steam on May 1st

April 10, 2018 David Neumann 1

PC/Mac • Back in 2014 Mythical City Games released a turn-based military sim onto Steam and mobile called Battle Fleet 2. Some guy named Owen reviewed it back then and summed everything up with three stars, whatever that means. I could go and read the thing but, let’s face it, Owen’s writing is way over my head. An Owen metaphor, “A gruesome struggle of life and death becomes a badminton match played with high explosive shuttlecocks.” My metaphor, “A gruesome struggle of life and death becomes raccoons eating garbage on a Saturday night in my driveway while listening to the Original Broadway Cast recording of Cats.” See? He’s just way better at this than I’ll ever be. Anyway, Mythical City is back with Battle Fleet 2’s sequel that, due to a change in theme, isn’t simply Battle Fleet 3. That’s right, instead of steering mighty warships we’re driving nimble juggernauts of destruction: tanks. Welcome to Battle Fleet: Ground Assault.

Michael Brough revisits Imbroglio, adds Phlogiston expansion

April 10, 2018 David Neumann 0

iOS Universal • I have kids in two different school systems, one in public high school and the others in a private elementary school. Although the schools are merely two blocks apart and many, many families in the area have children at both schools, we learned that they rarely manage to sync their schedules and, as such, their spring breaks never coincide. This led to the past two weeks when I was traveling and then home with children, both of which really cut into my writing time here at Stately Play. Today, the house is empty and I couldn’t be happier. Not only does that mean I can actually sit and write again, but it also means I’m back to not wearing pants. Freedom. None of this has anything to do with the topic of this post, however, which revolves around one of the true maestros of the App Store, Michael Brough. His dungeon-crawler/puzzler/roguelike Imbroglio has just expanded with Phlogiston.

Terra Mystica expands with Fire & Ice

April 5, 2018 David Neumann 0

iOS, Android, PC/Mac/Linux • So, I woke up this morning and loaded up Terra Mystica on my laptop trying to finish a game I had started last week. As I believe I mentioned earlier this year, wrapping my head around Digidiced‘s excellent port of TM was on my to-do list in 2018. Upon starting the game, however, I was hit with a notification that the Fire & Ice expansion had arrived. One new game menu later and I was all set to lead Tyrion and Dany against evil bitch Cersei and her Gregor-stein only to find that this isn’t a Song of Ice and Fire expansion, but something completely different. Fire & Ice is still pretty cool, but I have to admit I’m a little bummed.

Civilization VI for iPad heads Down Under

April 5, 2018 David Neumann 6

iPad, PC/Mac/Linux • The only things I know about Australia I learned from Monty Python, Flight of the Concords, and Alex Connolly. In other words, everyone there is named Bruce and teaches philosophy, they like to mock New Zealanders’ accent, and [redacted due to NDA]. Obviously, this is a well-rounded and comprehensive litany of everything Australia has to offer, but Civ VI is here to fill in all the empty spaces (even if it seems there aren’t any). I can’t think of a better teacher of real-world history than Civilization (how else would I have learned that Teddy Roosevelt founded America and will colonize space in 2023?) and now that Australia has become available in the iPad version of Civ VI, I can’t wait to learn more about Vegemite and Bloomin’ Onions.

Stately Playthrough: Darkest Night 2nd Edition, Turns 2 through 4

April 5, 2018 David Neumann 1

Tabletop • Despite two school musicals, umpteen volleyball tournaments, and a spring break drive to Florida, I’ve finally managed to get the second video of our Darkest Night 2nd Edition playthrough finished. Whew. This video picks up where the last one left off and brings us three full turns, namely turns two through four. Future videos will be one turn (maybe two) so I can get these things out the door quicker. Seriously, trying to do all these turns at once was a big mistake and just too much damn work. Not like you care about that, but I really want to get at least one out per week. Two per week would be amazing. Also, my microphone broke while in Florida, so I had to record using a crappy headset mic. It sounds like I’m recording in a bathroom which, I assure you, I only did for 37% of the video. See if you can figure out which scenes! I’ll be looking to get a new microphone, but it might be awhile. I apologize in advance for your aching earholes.

Stranger Things have happened; Fireball Island comes back to life on Kickstarter

April 3, 2018 David Neumann 9

Tabletop • I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know when I say 80’s nostalgia is a hot commodity right now. It can be done the right way (Stranger Things) or the wrong way (Ready Player One), but either way it seems to be a means to print money. Restoration Games is jumping on the bandwagon with their latest blast-from-the-past, Fireball Island. You might remember this one from your childhood or just been unable to avoid the hype on #boardgame Twitter. Either way, it’s gone live on Kickstarter today and it’s a doozy.

Stately Scrying: What we’re playing this weekend

March 30, 2018 David Neumann 18

It’s a holiday weekend and my family is spending all of Sunday in the car. Literally. We have a 19 hour drive home and are going to do it straight through, so we’re leaving very early Sunday morning and not stopping until we get home. No, kids, we’re not stopping. YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO HOLD IT! Actually, I’m not that much of a road tyrant. In fact, I probably stop too many times stretching our 19 hour drive into a 22-24 hour trek. All this means I’m not playing much of anything this weekend, especially on Easter. Everyone else, however, is home and pulling out games. Let’s take a gander into the private lives of the writers…

Our old friend Onirim arises from its slumber

March 30, 2018 David Neumann 3

iOS Universal, Android • Onirim was one of our favorite solo time-wasters last year which was impressive for two reasons. First, it was a really good year for games and, secondly, what the hell is Onirim? It wasn’t one of Asmodee Digital‘s highly touted releases and just kind of showed up one day in its nearly perfect form. Since its release Onirim only got better, adding new expansions and going free to download with no pesky F2P shenanigans on the side. It’s been awhile since we’ve heard any news on the Onirim front, however. Yesterday Asmodee let everyone know that updates are on the way. Not only that, but they’re looking for testers to help get the updates out the door.

Flash Point: Fire Rescue heats up on Steam

March 30, 2018 David Neumann 9

PC/Mac/Linux • Remember when Kurt Russell dipped that hot wire into everyone’s blood sample in The Thing and Palmer’s blood squeals and jumps out of the petrie dish? That was pretty great. Okay, so that has nothing to do with Flash Point: Fire Rescue but I was trying to remember anything about Backdraft for my intro and couldn’t, so I went to the first Kurt Russell movie I could think of instead. How different can movies be when the main character is Kurt Russell’s hair? Anyway, the cooperative board game Flash Point: Fire Rescue is now available on Steam. Or something. Sorry, I’m still thinking about Kurt’s curly locks.

PC-only Card Quest releases for Android with iOS/Mac coming soon

March 29, 2018 David Neumann 8

PC, Android, Coming soon to iOS/Mac • The best thing that’s happened since we pulled this old lemon off the lot back in 2016 is the growth of our forums. Oh, haven’t been there? You’re missing out on the best part of the site. First of all, you don’t have to read my junk over there and, secondly, all the Stately Players [goddammit, I’m on vacation -ed.] are way smarter than me and have insights that the tiny bit of brain still present in my skull couldn’t even begin to ponder on my own. Seriously, head over there, the link is right up above this post. You can’t miss it. Why am I talking up the forums? Because this story came straight from our forums which are way better at tracking this stuff down than I have ever been. It involves a dungeon crawling card game, a genre we love around these parts, called Card Quest. It’s been available for PC on Steam for a bit, but has now released for Android with a Mac/iOS version coming…soon.

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