Stately Play

Category: Feature

Stately Selections: Top Video Games of 2016 #1

December 30, 2016 David Neumann 0

I was going to write a long diatribe about 2016 to wrap up the year, but instead I want you all to look at my GIMP skills in that header pic. Yes, that’s a crown. I also wrote in that really sweet “#1”. I figure I had to tell you that it was me because I’m guessing most of you would assume we dropped beaucoup bucks on a real graphic artist. I mean, I don’t like to brag, but I kind of like to brag. We’re finally here! Our number one games of 2016. What’s at the top? Will anyone pick a mobile game? Will anyone not pick a mobile game? Will David and Maddie ever hook up? [I’ve only seen seasons 1 and 2 of Moonlighting. I’m saving up for the season 3 blu-ray -ed.] All these answers (not all of them, actually) will be answered beyond the break.

Stately Selections: Best Video Games of 2016 #2

December 29, 2016 David Neumann 1

[Insert witty opening] That’s all I got today, folks. I was doing my dadly duties today and looked at my watch realizing it was 4pm and I’d forgotten all about today’s countdown. No time to mess around! Head after the break to see our #2 picks for best of 2016.

Stately Selections: Best Video Games of 2016 #3

December 28, 2016 David Neumann 0

We’re back with our countdown of the top games of 2016. Yesterday, I was a bit short on time so my introduction was on the brief side. Today, I had planned to regale you with tales of how I’ve yet to murder any children during Christmas break. After starting, however, I realized that it’s a rather boring tale involving lots and lots of Legos. Instead, let’s continue the countdown. Today we reach the midpoint with our #3 titles of 2016. Because we need clicks, check our picks after the break.

Happy Holidays: Talisman

December 26, 2016 David Neumann 10

It’s about time I come clean with all of you with why I enjoy writing about games so much. Sure, the money and fame are great, but what really gets me going is being able to boss around a bunch of writers and then not pay them. Yeah, it’s as great as it sounds. The other nice thing is getting to know people in the biz. Devs are pretty great, and when I put out a call for Christmas help this year, a bunch were happy to comply. Today’s generous donor of codes is Nomad Games of Talisman fame.

Stately Selections: Best Video Games of 2016 #5

December 26, 2016 David Neumann 3

Like most sites, we were going to wrap up 2016 with a list of top games by category but a few issues sprung up. First of all, our star chamber is still under construction, so we have nowhere to hold the voting. Secondly, we’re all [actually, just Dave -ed.] extremely lazy and the thought of organizing the whole thing was bringing everyone [again, just Dave -ed.] down. Thus, our year-end wrap up is going to be a little different [Dave is forcing us to do it this way -ed.] Instead of categories, each of us selected our top five digital games of the year. We didn’t care if they were mobile, desktop, 3DS, console, or VR. Actually, I told the writers we didn’t care about platform, but I do care, and forced everyone to focus on mobile and desktop (except Tanner, damn him). Each day we’ll run down one of our top games, starting with #5 today, until we get to the #1 games of 2016 on Friday. Will this be how things work every year? Probably not. This year, however, this is how it’s going down. Let us know how much you hate this format in the comments! [or you could, you know, be nice -ed.]

Stately Stocking Stuffers

December 26, 2016 Alex Connolly 0

Ah, the day after Christmas, the day when the Lords of Avarice settle down for their year-long slumber. Oh, wait, I forgot about the Steam Winter Sale. Perhaps we can keep the door to the Vaults of Greed open for a few more days. Here are the top five Stately Picks currently at a low, low price. Treat yourself, buy one for a close relative, or soften up that enemy with unsuspected magnanimity.

To alpha and beyond: Hades’ Star

December 23, 2016 Nick Vigdahl 65

“Captain Drigo, sir, system VXG-0199 is now in view of our long-range sensors.” Drigo turned from yet another review of the ship’s inventory projections to face the helmsman. “Visuals if you please, Mr. Gupta.” A three-dimensional image of a star appeared before Drigo. It was a type-G, a yellow dwarf, as promised. Drigo let out an inaudible sigh of relief. That was one anxiety laid to rest. “There she is, sir. A beauty, is she not?”

Super Mario and the Myth of a Free Game

December 20, 2016 Nick Vigdahl 1

[We’d like to introduce you to the FNG at Stately Play Manor, Nick Vigdahl. You might have seen his work at another site whose name eludes me right now. Pocket something. It will come to me. Anyway, as the FNG, we threw Mario at him all the while muffling our laughter at his misfortune. Instead of pouting about having to review a rather shallow runner, Nick decided to look at Mario in a larger light. I think you’ll see why he’s a welcome addition to the site, and hope you help us in welcoming him aboard. -ed.] Following months of hype and domination of prime App Store real estate Super Mario Run was released to eager iOS gamers last week and the user reviews are, well, let’s say less than glowing. Mario has been reviewed over fifty-four-thousand times in just a few days—a staggering number—and is averaging about two-and-a-half stars. Not great. So what gives?

I give the game credit--the trailer was quite funny, without seeming like it was simply put together for nothing but laughs.

Kelsey’s Terrible Game Ideas

December 7, 2016 Kelsey Rinella 7

I saw the recent announcement of the release of Kathy Rain, and found myself reflecting on how, despite my satisfaction with mystery novels and movies, mystery games have long disappointed me. Largely, it’s because such games rarely give you any incentive to develop hypotheses–sometimes there’s an element of memory or exhaustive search, but mostly, it’s stuff like “Detective Mode” from the Arkham games–you can’t do anything until you see the highlighted clue and press x on it, then the next clue is unlocked. I started thinking about how to do that better, and it occurred to me that I write for a gaming website, so I have a forum to express my terrible ideas to an audience! Here are two. Some day I’ll learn to use my powers for good, but it is not this day.

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